It happened in Prague. It was the week of Thanksgiving. The year was 2009.
Pope Benedict, in white vestments, was speaking on a subject of little note except to people big into theology. The multi-linguist Pontiff was addressing an audience in English. No sooner did he say “There is no simple answer to the question” when...
A Black Spider crawled up the right side of his vestment. When it reached breast-high, the pontiff gestured in such a way as to make the spider disappear.
Then the unseen Spider shifted from starboard to port on the good ship Benedict: He routed Himself on the backside of the vestment.
The arachnid then re-appeared on the Pope’s left sleeve. The pontiff gave him another swat. Never once did the Pontiff’s attention deviate from his theological lecture.
Unseen again, the Spider reached the Pontiff’s neck. A Papal gesture initiating a third swat was made by Pope Benedict, whose speech was reaching a theological crescendo. The swat, aimed at the back of his neck, froze before contact and the voice did the same, in mid-verb.
Looking at the two camera-men in front of him, the Pope made a slicing gesture across his neck: STOP...This STOP was more than two thousand years in the making...
Pope Benedict immediately abandoned the lectern.
A limousine awaited him, as did a plane to jet him to Argentina, Chile, and Ecuador. But the South American speaking engagements were cancelled.
Rather than return to the Prague Hyatt Hotel, an emergency flight to Rome immediately flew the leader of the Catholic Church back to the Vatican. In a climate-regulated lower compartment of the Air Italia 767–in a fur-lined mayonaisse jar–the Spider also was en route to the Vatican.
Up until last month, the Spider was under lock and key: His existence known to only the upper reaches of the Vatican hierarchy.
On a daily basis, Pope Benedict--and only Pope Benedict--visited the Spider who has grown a beard and wears an eight-legged loincloth.
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Pope John Paul II’s popularity was beyond measure. The same cannot be said for his successor. Pope Benedict was more of detached intellectual Catholic cleric than a global Catholic superstar. But no Pontiff before Benedict understood the ancient language of Spideria, which dates back to the Garden of Eden.
Thus, the Pontiff alone fully understood what the eight-legged loinclothed Spider said:
El Popo, why be they humenz pretenchus to think me 2nd Combing woo be as a human thingy. Were dat de case, me violence woo be exponenchally cato strofic. For all dose what xploited me name in war und murda, I’d make Hitler looks like a boyo scout. Pleeze pass a me dat bag o bugs.
If you consider all the miracles performed by Jesus Christ, how complicated would it be for Him to change species?
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The dual responsibilities of actively being the spiritual leader of more than one billion Catholics and intimately relating to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ became impossible to handle.
Benedict had to vacate the Papacy but he is willing to say that he “resigned.”
In truth, he got a promotion.
Blogger's Quote & Note
"I'll tell you why this happened in Prague. Pope Benedict met up with the Ultimate Bug
in the same city where Franz Kafka met up up with his bug!"
-KARL Hobbes
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