The "Carl" Dialog

“Hello, Carl.”

“Hello, Paul. I have something important to tell you.”

“My ears are at your command.”

“You spell my name wrong.”

“Say what?”

“My bad, Paul. You didn’t spell anything wrong.
I just used 'shock value' to get your attention.
You used the Anglicized spelling because that simplifies things.
Everyone spells it C-A-R-L”

“Then I’m just like everyone else.”

“Don’t sound so sad but let me apologize for the PTA comment.”

“Wow! My utter confusion is at your command.”

“Understandably.”

“Do I have to attend a parent/teacher conference?”

“Absolutely not.”


“When I said 'Everyone spells it C-A-R-L,' I was guilty of
Profundity Trumping Accuracy.
It would have been more accurate to say
'Everyone outside my intimate circle spells it C-A-R-L.'
That intimate circle consists of only six people:
my bosses--Etta & Daniel, my wife, and two daughters.”

“You never told me you were married!”

“Because I never had reason too.
For all intents and purposes,
my wife and my family have zero connection
to the Lewis Carroll School of Logic.
Can you respect that fact?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Did you notice that I only named five people.”

“No, I did not not, Sir.
But does that mean I am the sixth member of your intimate circle?”

“Exactly.”

“Does it also mean I have to correct the spelling
on one hundred blogposts.”

“No, it does not mean that. It only applies to future posts.”

“I can only do that if you tell me the correct spelling of your name.”

“Duhhh...”


“My parents were Polish immigrants and the name on my
birth certificate reads Karyl Hobinski.”
K-A-R-Y-L is the correct spelling. To avoid bullying and harassment as a kid–and sexual confusion as an adult–
I’ve used C-A-R-L all my life.”

“Wasn’t Pope John Paul’s birth name “Karyl?”

“Close but no cucumber. The Holy Pontiff was K-A-R-O-L.
But my parents were Polish aristocracy and spellt it with the Y...”

“K-A-R-Y-L. I will never forget this word.”

“Please be sure to pronounce it with one-and-only one syllable.”

“Consider it done, Sir.”

“Stop calling me Sir!”

“Yes, Karyl.”