From Charlie to Dorothy

What Charlie Parker did with a saxophone, Dorothy Parker did with her pen.

Is it possible that Charlie and Dorothy were related?

Yes. Because relatives are not to be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their talent!
--Mentor Robinson
(Lecturer, Lewis Carroll School of Logic ≈1971)


Mr. Parker hit some very sharp notes on his saxophone. Mrs. Parker wrote some very sharp words with her pen.
Feast your eyes:

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.

Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.

Men don't like nobility in woman. Not any men. I suppose it is because the men like to have the copyrights on nobility -- if there is going to be anything like that in a relationship.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.

His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.

The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Her mind lives tidily, apart
From cold & noise & pain
And bolts the door against her heart
Out wailing in the rain.

Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

One more drink and I'll be under the host.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "check enclosed."

Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Look at him, a rhinestone in the rough.

His body has gone to his head.

I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be a darling at it.

(When asked to use the word 'horticulture' in a sentence:) You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.


Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

That woman speaks eight languages and can't say no in any of them.

It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.

I can't write five words but that I change seven.

Wasn't the Yale prom wonderful? If all the girls in attendance were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.

He is beyond question a writer of power; and his power lies in his ability to make sex so thoroughly, graphically and aggressively unattractive that one is fairly shaken to ponder how little one has been missing.

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

Do me a favor. When you get home, throw your mother a bone.

(Explaining why she was fired:) Vanity fair was a magazine of no opinions, and I had opinions.

I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
I dream of a rural life - raising checks.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

(In answer to what she'd like for breakfast:) Just something light and easy to fix. How about a dear little whiskey sour?

It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard.

Now, look, baby, "Union" is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

Stop looking at the world through rose colored bifocals.

The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(When a friend asked her how to get rid of his cat:) Have you tried curiosity?

(For her own epitaph:) Excuse my dust.


Blogger's Notes
The Dorothy Parker quotes are the copyrighted property of her heirs.
The question of kinship between Charlie Parker & Dorothy Parker could have been
equally asked and equally answered about Ella Fitzgerald & Scott Fitzgerald.