Did he really say that?

The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes = GEORGE CARLIN...Stained glass, engraved glass, frosted glass–give me plain glass = JOHN FOWLES...Music is the mathematics of the gods = PYTHAGORAS...Nothing is more fluid than language = R.L.SWIHART

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The World According to Tom Waits

I was in a line at the supermarket the other day.
I had all my things on the little conveyor belt there.
There's a gal in front of me that is staring at me
I'm getting a little nervous and she continues to stare at me.
I keep looking the other way.

Finally she comes over closer to me and she says:
"I apologise for staring, that must have been annoying. But you look so much like my son, who died. I just can't take my eyes off you."
And she precedes to go into her purse and she pulls out a photograph of her son who'd died.
He looks absolutely nothing like me.
In fact he's Chinese.

Anyway, we chatted a little bit.
She says:
"I'm sorry, I have to ask you. Would you mind, as I leave the supermarket here, would you mind saying Goodbye Mom to me? I know it's a strange request but I haven't heard my son saying Goodbye Mom to me, and it would mean so much to me to hear it. If you don't mind I... "
And I said:
"Well, you know, okay, yeah, sure. I can say that."
She gets her groceries all checked out.
As she's going out the door she waves at me and she hollers across the store:
"Goodbye son!"
And I look up and I wave and I say
"Goodbye Mom!"

So I get my few things there, on the conveyor belt
and the checker checks out my things.
He gives me the total and he says:
"That'll be four hundred and seventy nine dollars."
I said:
"Well, how is that possible! I've only got a little tuna fish, and some skimmed milk, and mustard and a loaf of bread..."
He said:
"Well, well you're also paying for the groceries for your mother. She told me you'd take care of the bill for her."
And I said:
"Well, wait a minute! That's not my mother!"
He said:
"Well I distinctly heard her say as she left the store Bye son! and you said Bye mom! and so what are you trying to say here?"
I said: "Well, JESUS!"
I looked out into the parking lot. She was just getting into her car.
I ran out there.
She was just closing the door, and she had a little bit of her leg sticking out of the door...

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