Did he really say that?

The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes = GEORGE CARLIN...Stained glass, engraved glass, frosted glass–give me plain glass = JOHN FOWLES...Music is the mathematics of the gods = PYTHAGORAS...Nothing is more fluid than language = R.L.SWIHART

Monday, July 30, 2012

Father Frank Revisited

This is a re-posted photograph

But I want you to look at
the men in the background.

Do they appear a tad impatient?

A line of 500 future monsignors
was moving  systematically
and quickly.


But it reached a snag when a bearded Priest stepped up to the plate 
was face-to-face with Pope John Paul II.

The Beard and the Pontiff were laughing and smirking and acting as if
they were life-long buddies. They became oblivious to
a most structured ceremony that affected
the entire globe, more or less.

Well, the truth is that not only did the Beard and the Pontiff
have God on speed dial but God had both the Pontiff
and the Beard on his speed dial:
#2 and #5, respectively.

#1 on the Supreme speed dial is, of course, Godette. #3 is Meryl Streep
and #4 is Willie Mays.** It is rumored that #6 is Hitler
because even God likes to make prank phone calls.

"Nonsense" said God, "My favorite janitor is #666."

Jesus Christ, like his two brothers, Buddha & Allah, were not on the Big Boss Daddy's
speed dial because his three sons were his three Almighty alter egos.

Any thought that entered God's head was immediately flashed
into the brain of "Jessie, Buddy, & Al."

Another rumor in divine circulation was that a fourth sibling
was alive and well on terra firma.
Her name is Oprah.


We now have a five-year-old boy
with a gun standing on the porch
of a Harlem brownstone
off Madison Avenue

His favorite sister used to
go courting in Mount Morris Park,
directly across the street from
where she took this picture
of Frankie Oliverio.

As luck would have it, she grew up
to become my Godmother!

Half a dozen years after this Godfather's future Godmother
photographed her youngest brother, my Uncle had a job
as a tollbooth collector on Fire Island.

To prepare for this job, he spent two hours a day with
a pack of index cards and a box of pencils.

He always manned the south-side booth. That is, beach-bound cars approaching
the South Shore of Long Island at the end of the William Floyd Parkway
had to give him toll money to get there.

However, each motorist was given a "Rewards Card,"
entitling the driver to a free return trip on the other side of the bridge,
despite the presence of additional tollbooths there.

This should have made for happy campers but the "Rewards Card"
was the bogus creation of a kid from Harlem.

I will let your imagination conjure up the chaos and traffic that ensued
on the north-bound side of the Fire Island Bridge.

"God has his pranks and I have mine!" Father Frank said to me, some years hence.
"Before I had love of God, I had love of gag."

I will let your imagination conjure up the chaos and traffic that ensued at the Vatican
when a long line of future monsignors waited out the tete-a-tete between #2 and #5
on the Supreme speed dial.

Please note:
Frankie Oliverio was fired for causing massive traffic jams
on the Fire Island Bridge BUT  the man who fired him
also helped my uncle get his next job
with the United States Post Office.



"Father Frank, do you have
 a most favorite memory
 of Sam & Grace?"

"Nephew, are you serious?
 Asking  me to single out
 one memory of my most
 important brother and
 my most beautiful
 sister-in law is like
 asking you to name
 your favorite
 Beatles' song."

"Or my favorite chapter of
  Alice in Wonderland."


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