Did he really say that?

The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes = GEORGE CARLIN...Stained glass, engraved glass, frosted glass–give me plain glass = JOHN FOWLES...Music is the mathematics of the gods = PYTHAGORAS...Nothing is more fluid than language = R.L.SWIHART

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Some mornings, I have to count up to ten before getting out of bed.
The easy part is to start with 1
But then that thing called "memory" makes it impossible to reach 10
Once upon a time, I had a math professor named DiMaria and a theology professor named Seamster. On the wall behind Dimaria's desk, there was a picture of Lewis Carroll, sitting on a fence. On the wall behind Seamster's desk, there was a picture of Jesus Christ, hanging on a cross.
Seamster/DiMaria memories are bouquets of pleasantries and wisdom for my body and mind, which I've had for all of sixty-three years. However, when the old noggin starts knocking down the kingpins of common sense, that's where the easy stuff gets uneasy.
DiMaria convinced us that between any two numbers, there exists another number. The Simple Theorem is what he called it.
"Halfway from one number and halfway from the other number is the midpoint, which exists as the other number. Q.E.D."
If all I did was count my fingers, I'd get from one to ten before you could say snap-diggity-dog. I'd jump out of bed and get on the good foot then do the same with the other foot. But, let's keep my feet and my fingers out of the picture.

I start with "1" but before I say "2" there is the midpoint to consider and I say "1 and 1/2" which leads to another midpoint between that number and "2." The halfway between "1 and 1/2" and "2" is "1 and 3/4"... This process repeats itself infinitely until I fall back asleep.
Once upon another time, Seamster opened the back door of DiMaria's room while he was quoting THE SIMPLE THEOREM.
He said "Between any two numbers, there is another number."
She screamed "Between any two humans, there is God!"
We all turned around but the screaming theologian was gone. After that, all Dimaria said was
"If not God, there is Godette. Class dismissed."

If not Etta Seamster the elder, there is Etta Seamster the younger. Ditto for Daniel DiMaria.
Life goes on.

Blogger's Note
Long before there was a Professor Seamster, there was a Sister Mary Margarita. At the St. Luke's sock hop, when couples were dancing too close together for a slow dance, she would always tell us to "Leave room for the Holy Ghost!"

No comments: